Hard guy!! Hard guy!! .. but you keep losing people

Hola TBL squad. how you doing?  i hope y'all are great and poppin' as usual.

In philosophy class, one of the few things i understood when i was not bored out of my mind is "Tabula rasa", this is a theory that explains that at birth, the human mind is a blank slate. As we grow, we are influenced by external environments, society and the almighty of them all "Hollywood" and "novels".
I've been guilty about this, thus my shedding light on it.
Now, to the gist;
why do people think not communicating is cool, Hard guy!! Hard guy!! and you keep losing friends that matter, saying "nothing" over and over again is a way to put your partner to test, them digging deeper and deeper is the only  sign that he truly loves you. kilode??

Personally, i am a very noisy and playful person but when it gets to things that hurt me i get so mute and silent. i'd over analyze it in my head, jump to conclusion and move on with my life. the key thing is, all this actions took place in my head without any communication with the respective party ans it is a very wrong approach to situations.

When i say communication, what comes to your head, is speaking your mind, but in speaking your mind also comes listening. it's a a two way street.
I can't over emphasize how important communication skills are in relationships. Between friends, colleagues, parents and spouses. communication is more than Gisting with your friend, replying your boyfriend's messages. All that is important too, but even more important is having the real conversations, actually getting to know a person, then getting past your diffrences.

****How to communicate like a Boss lady****

- I'm fine; saying "i'm fine" and insisting when you are clearly not is super annoying. I will always respect a "i don't want to talk about it right now" over an "i'm fine" when you are clearly not. it puts unnecessary pressure on people around you and just makes you sad. People on their own, go through a lot of personal stuff and  it's only fair to tell them what is wrong with you or tell them when you can. i don't mean three months after. if you choose to keep it to yourself, don't hold it against them for not trying 100 times after you made it clear you were OK.
- You can perfectly say your mind without screaming at each other;

saying your mind, can easily go wrong.screaming is not the way to have a conversation. when emotions start flaring up, most times it's not about the problem anymore but it's more about everyone wanting to get heard. "we'd just end up screaming at each other anyways" is not enough reason to not say your mind. if you're a screamer,you just have to put it at the back of your mind that the loudest voice in an argument doesn't necessarily mean the smartest point. calm down and hear each other out.
- Piling does no good to anybody; when a situation is not addressed and it is tucked under the covers despite the good reason you might have for "fash-ing", the irony is that, tucking it under is just aiding in the destruction of the relationship.
 I always share this analogy with people, everyone has a cup in their heart where they hold up things, each cup for each relationship, constant communication helps in pouring the content of the cup away, if the communication is very constant and regular there is nothing or next to nothing stored up in the cup. if something happens and you address only the surface, not all the content of the cup is poured out, the cup is not empty and if it continues like that before you know, the cup is almost filled, the littlest action from that person, even if not serious might be the thing to make the cup overflow. All then, that is left is damage control, which is difficult to recover for. Don't let yourself and your relationship get to that level.

-It's us vs the problem.... not me vs you

this was a very difficult bone for me to chew. it takes a certain level of maturity to admit even in anger that you can be wrong and be genuinely able to accept your wrongs. When angry, it's very easy to focus on who exactly is making you angry not what exactly is causing the issue. When the root cause of the issue is not addressed then the problems starts coming back taking different forms. So together, you address the cause: pride, anger e.t.c

Thanks y'all, i hope to be posting at least once a week. happy new month, i love you all.

The Boss Lady 💗