Dating a feminist
*DUSTS COBWEBS* I'm sorry for the disappearance guys..
Hey TBL squad,
I have really missed you all so much 💓.
"A feminist" is a word that when mentioned just immediately rubs people the wrong way, i start hearing statements that genuinely makes me confused.
"i believe in equal rights but abeg, I'm not a feminist"
"feminism is about speeches not action"
"i don't want to be called a feminist, it seems like i am a fighter." and so much more. today I'm here to debunk all the myths pertaining being feminist and most especially how dating one should feel like.
When asked who a feminist is; some people automatically think, it's a group of angry women who hate men or some wannabe woke woman or a millennial woman who wants to be above a man.
what better place to educate feminism if not a Boss lady blog. So here we go TBL Squad, stick with me as we discuss the common misconceptions and practical applications of feminism in our day to day life...
Disclaimer; this are all my opinions based on research and my version of the truth. you can disagree or agree. lets discuss in the comment section.
Who is a Feminist?
I really love this definition by Zendaya; "A feminist is a person who believes in the power of women just as much as they believe in the power of anyone else. It is equality and it is Fairness and a great thing to be part of." Besides this definition, it is very important to understand the day to day application of feminism.
Feminism is a two way street, it has its own responsibilities. You can't demand respect and equal rights and not be held accountable
************* Day to Day "how to" of feminism****
1.) Liberation breeds respect; Financial independence has a very huge part to play in Feminism. there is a popular Nigerian phrase that says "money stops nonsense". One of the reasons women of many levels are held captive in situations they don't like, is because of financial dependence. Many women take punches to their integrity, self respect and dignity because they are financially handicapped.
You don't need to have a million dollars in your account before you become financially independent. you just need to have a resourceful means of income for yourself.
- As growing adults, if you have the privilege to get monthly allowance from your parent, i advise you save some of it. It is a continuous journey for me; to have a saving culture that works for me. I read a book "The smart money woman"; she said something that resonated with me, "saving money to invest rather than saving to spend".
As women we can work towards building our own empire, leaving our legacy as ourselves. Michelle Obama was not just known as Barrack Obama's wife, she is vastly known for her charitable and inspiring work asides just being somebody's wife.
Don't wait to start saving when you get your first one million, start saving from the hundreds and thousands you have already. Open a piggy account online, at least, we can't break the online one 😂
Note to spenders like me; its better to have a 10 dollar bag with 100 dollars in it than have a 100 dollars bag with 10 dollars in it.
2.) Say NO to self entitlement; entitlement runs so deep in the veins of some. ladies feel entitled to your money once you feel interest in them, men feel entitled to your body once money gets involved. To be self entitled is believing you deserve certain privileges and being arrogant about it.
"Kemi met Tunde two weeks ago on her way from the market. he offered her a ride home, she declined but gave him her number. they call everyday and really vibe. Along the line, her phone screen broke and she shared her problem with him and went on and on about how much she wanted to change from an android to an iPhone entirely. He smiled and continued conversing with her. days later, she started giving him cold responses and eventually stopped talking to him "
This is a story we all have heard in different forms. if after reading the short story above, you think the guy was stingy or somehow, then you have the "self entitlement"disease. you can even hear a lady say "if i ask him for money and he sends just 5k, i won't rate him" LOL.. I laugh!!! 5k that you don't have, 5k that you had to "ask for".
Ladies, you are not entitled to his money because he likes you or because he is interested in you. i'm not against gifts for any reason or encouraging stinginess by any chance but the anger when a guy doesn't immediately run to solve your problem itself is the entitlement spirit, i'm trying to cast out today. somebody shout (AMEN!!). sharing and discussing issues is part of companionship in relationships but not an entry ticket to make the person your problem solver. Because he fancies you doesn't automatically make him your bank or you his bank.
"Micheal is friends with this girl he met on Instagram. she puts pictures of clothes on her story with (i want 😍😍😍) captions . He immediately asks for her account number and credit her the money she needs. same thing when she puts shoes too. After being online friends for a while they decide to finally meet and he is being too touchy and gets upset when she turns him down. "
Guys, doing nice things for girls doesn't give you automatic access to their body. the logic itself is very wrong, if you want something in return for your gifts, it should be properly communicated before going all Santa claus. keep your gifts to yourself, as well as your hands. don't be forcing yourself on someone's daughter.
It is so easy to be entitled, it is promoted in songs, movies, stories but it is not the feminist way.
3.) Toxic masculinity; this are toxic stereotypes of men that has been accepted as a norm. "forgive him, because all men cheat" "men will be men" "men don't cry" "you are too emotional for a man". everything written above is BULL and why it must not be accepted. They are ways to manipulate women into reducing their standards and settling for less and putting men into the bondage of emotional abuse.
Toxic masculinity has been promoted for God knows how long and it is so deeply woven into us. Before i started dating my boyfriend, we were close friends for two years and as friends we bought each other stuff and helped out when there was need for it.
In school, things like that would always occur. one person could suddenly go broke or forget their ATM card in the hall or just not have cash on them, the other person would just buy for two or buy one and we share.
when we started being together officially, he wouldn't accept me to buy his food or buy him anything because it was not "manly" or won't seem "like he is taking care of his woman". I would laugh so hard because it made zero sense to me. so you rather stay hungry than let me buy you food????. It may seem like, i should have been happy. After all, that is more money for me but i was not having any of that. i was in relationship for a partner, a team mate, "i have your back, you have mine". It didn't make sense to me that i would get all the gifts and he would get nothing because it wasn't "manly". That is the part toxic masculinity plays in relationships. we finally found a way to balance it out and it took a whileee. lol
Buy him a gift on his birthday sis, valentine day is a time for partners to show love, he deserves a gift too. For every well thought out gift you get, he deserves one too. Break the chain of toxic masculinity playing out in relationships. Men deserve to be loved as much as women too.
when we go on a date, if it's his treat, he pays as he should. If it's my treat, i handle the bills and he can handle the transport. The moment you start looking at your boyfriend/spouse as a partner and actually look out for them financially there won't be a problem of who is taking advantage of who. When he has more money at the time, he won't even let me pay but i might insist on taking care of any little aspect i can afford or just be spoilt and handle nothing. There is no hard and fast rule to it, ultimately you spin it round and find a way it works for you. Partnership is really important to me and i base most of my decisions on that.
So far, some people would have disagreed with some points i made or how it was made. All this things should be done not to impress some guy or to be wife material but rather as a way of life. You are a boss lady, you should think like such, date like such and live like such.
********To be continued in part 2*******
Hey TBL squad,
I have really missed you all so much 💓.
"i believe in equal rights but abeg, I'm not a feminist"
"feminism is about speeches not action"
"i don't want to be called a feminist, it seems like i am a fighter." and so much more. today I'm here to debunk all the myths pertaining being feminist and most especially how dating one should feel like.
When asked who a feminist is; some people automatically think, it's a group of angry women who hate men or some wannabe woke woman or a millennial woman who wants to be above a man.
what better place to educate feminism if not a Boss lady blog. So here we go TBL Squad, stick with me as we discuss the common misconceptions and practical applications of feminism in our day to day life...
Disclaimer; this are all my opinions based on research and my version of the truth. you can disagree or agree. lets discuss in the comment section.
Who is a Feminist?
I really love this definition by Zendaya; "A feminist is a person who believes in the power of women just as much as they believe in the power of anyone else. It is equality and it is Fairness and a great thing to be part of." Besides this definition, it is very important to understand the day to day application of feminism.
************* Day to Day "how to" of feminism****
1.) Liberation breeds respect; Financial independence has a very huge part to play in Feminism. there is a popular Nigerian phrase that says "money stops nonsense". One of the reasons women of many levels are held captive in situations they don't like, is because of financial dependence. Many women take punches to their integrity, self respect and dignity because they are financially handicapped.
You don't need to have a million dollars in your account before you become financially independent. you just need to have a resourceful means of income for yourself.
- As growing adults, if you have the privilege to get monthly allowance from your parent, i advise you save some of it. It is a continuous journey for me; to have a saving culture that works for me. I read a book "The smart money woman"; she said something that resonated with me, "saving money to invest rather than saving to spend".
As women we can work towards building our own empire, leaving our legacy as ourselves. Michelle Obama was not just known as Barrack Obama's wife, she is vastly known for her charitable and inspiring work asides just being somebody's wife.
Don't wait to start saving when you get your first one million, start saving from the hundreds and thousands you have already. Open a piggy account online, at least, we can't break the online one 😂
Note to spenders like me; its better to have a 10 dollar bag with 100 dollars in it than have a 100 dollars bag with 10 dollars in it.
2.) Say NO to self entitlement; entitlement runs so deep in the veins of some. ladies feel entitled to your money once you feel interest in them, men feel entitled to your body once money gets involved. To be self entitled is believing you deserve certain privileges and being arrogant about it.
"Kemi met Tunde two weeks ago on her way from the market. he offered her a ride home, she declined but gave him her number. they call everyday and really vibe. Along the line, her phone screen broke and she shared her problem with him and went on and on about how much she wanted to change from an android to an iPhone entirely. He smiled and continued conversing with her. days later, she started giving him cold responses and eventually stopped talking to him "
This is a story we all have heard in different forms. if after reading the short story above, you think the guy was stingy or somehow, then you have the "self entitlement"disease. you can even hear a lady say "if i ask him for money and he sends just 5k, i won't rate him" LOL.. I laugh!!! 5k that you don't have, 5k that you had to "ask for".
Ladies, you are not entitled to his money because he likes you or because he is interested in you. i'm not against gifts for any reason or encouraging stinginess by any chance but the anger when a guy doesn't immediately run to solve your problem itself is the entitlement spirit, i'm trying to cast out today. somebody shout (AMEN!!). sharing and discussing issues is part of companionship in relationships but not an entry ticket to make the person your problem solver. Because he fancies you doesn't automatically make him your bank or you his bank.
"Micheal is friends with this girl he met on Instagram. she puts pictures of clothes on her story with (i want 😍😍😍) captions . He immediately asks for her account number and credit her the money she needs. same thing when she puts shoes too. After being online friends for a while they decide to finally meet and he is being too touchy and gets upset when she turns him down. "
Guys, doing nice things for girls doesn't give you automatic access to their body. the logic itself is very wrong, if you want something in return for your gifts, it should be properly communicated before going all Santa claus. keep your gifts to yourself, as well as your hands. don't be forcing yourself on someone's daughter.
It is so easy to be entitled, it is promoted in songs, movies, stories but it is not the feminist way.
3.) Toxic masculinity; this are toxic stereotypes of men that has been accepted as a norm. "forgive him, because all men cheat" "men will be men" "men don't cry" "you are too emotional for a man". everything written above is BULL and why it must not be accepted. They are ways to manipulate women into reducing their standards and settling for less and putting men into the bondage of emotional abuse.
Toxic masculinity has been promoted for God knows how long and it is so deeply woven into us. Before i started dating my boyfriend, we were close friends for two years and as friends we bought each other stuff and helped out when there was need for it.
In school, things like that would always occur. one person could suddenly go broke or forget their ATM card in the hall or just not have cash on them, the other person would just buy for two or buy one and we share.
when we started being together officially, he wouldn't accept me to buy his food or buy him anything because it was not "manly" or won't seem "like he is taking care of his woman". I would laugh so hard because it made zero sense to me. so you rather stay hungry than let me buy you food????. It may seem like, i should have been happy. After all, that is more money for me but i was not having any of that. i was in relationship for a partner, a team mate, "i have your back, you have mine". It didn't make sense to me that i would get all the gifts and he would get nothing because it wasn't "manly". That is the part toxic masculinity plays in relationships. we finally found a way to balance it out and it took a whileee. lol
Buy him a gift on his birthday sis, valentine day is a time for partners to show love, he deserves a gift too. For every well thought out gift you get, he deserves one too. Break the chain of toxic masculinity playing out in relationships. Men deserve to be loved as much as women too.
when we go on a date, if it's his treat, he pays as he should. If it's my treat, i handle the bills and he can handle the transport. The moment you start looking at your boyfriend/spouse as a partner and actually look out for them financially there won't be a problem of who is taking advantage of who. When he has more money at the time, he won't even let me pay but i might insist on taking care of any little aspect i can afford or just be spoilt and handle nothing. There is no hard and fast rule to it, ultimately you spin it round and find a way it works for you. Partnership is really important to me and i base most of my decisions on that.
So far, some people would have disagreed with some points i made or how it was made. All this things should be done not to impress some guy or to be wife material but rather as a way of life. You are a boss lady, you should think like such, date like such and live like such.
********To be continued in part 2*******
Until Next week Amigos.
The Boss Lady 💖
Beautifully said. Too many misconceptions about feminism. Nice write up!
ReplyDeleteThanks love!!
DeleteWell said. I like the points you made about toxic masculinity. It hit me. Lol all the things you said happen to me.
ReplyDeleteyeah. its an actual thing and a continuous process to move from it.
DeleteThis was so beautiful babes. Well-done my love
ReplyDeleteThanks love.
DeleteI love this💖
ReplyDeleteThanks Boo.
DeleteI certainly should have read your angle first... You are hitting the right points I don't think a lot of people calling themselves feminists are hitting
ReplyDeleteit's a process. Thanks
DeleteLmaooo! To think that I saw when u posted the link to this post on our group chat, but I didn't take it serious, to begin with, I never knew u own a blog. For me, I love learning new things everyday. I learnt a lot from this piece, most expecially toxic masculinity. It's the first time I'm hearing of such. this has really helped me. Weldone Favour.
ReplyDeleteThank you Oga Boss
DeleteThanks
ReplyDelete